[pf] Breaking News: God Overrules Supreme Court

by Nan Hildreth

15 December 2000 18:23 UTC

This just in from the Religious News Service.

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT

Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, 
under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last 
night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George 
Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this 
morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not 
going to lie back and let Bush get away with this."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count 
in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly 
who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by 
exactly 20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict 
overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to 
Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing 
God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign 
strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. 
Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the 
constitution of the state of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises 
ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, 
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no 
grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get 
real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name 
them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, 
Ron..."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. 
Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him 
today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, 
God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his 
wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the 
former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and 
afflicted him with deep boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.

"And the best part is," God said, "everyone will blame the Greens!"