Re: [pf] we took the wrong track, in the '50s and '60s

by Molly Williams

05 December 2000 18:29 UTC

Diane,

You may be right -- that people are just hard-wired and that determines
their values and outlook on life. But people do change their values,
outlook, and behaviours, so obviously some people can rewire themselves.
I'm thinking of Helen Nearing, who was brought up with lots of money and
privileges, was a meat-eater, etc., and changed her perspective as she
grew up, so that she and Scott made very little more money than they
could use, were self-sufficient, ate very little and none of it meat or
processed foods, etc. She was brought up in an intellectually rich
environment, true, and she was always a seeker, but she was also very
traditionally upper-middle-class.

Maybe some people need a catalyst, or a bunch of them, to rewire, or
perhaps, to allow their "real" wiring -- buried by culture and
upbringing -- to take over.

For myself, I was brought up to be a middle-class consumer. Until about
5 years ago, I thought Mall shopping was entertainment. Now, I truly do
not enjoy Mall shopping and I enjoy other forms of shopping less and
less. It's been a gradual change for me,  which began with a change of
perspective and thought, but has now become my true animal response to a
negative stimulus -- show me a Mall and I feel repulsed, overwhelmed,
and enervated. 

Ditto with TV watching. I was brought up in a house with 3-4 TVs, and at
least one going most of the time. After school, I watched a lot of TV.
Soaps, comedies, game shows, dramas, whatever. My mother always had the
TV on (except mealtimes). I loved it. Even as an adult, I have often
spent the whole evening in front of the TV, enjoying it. Now, in the
last 3-4 years, I find I enjoy it less, so that a week may go by when I
watch no TV at all and don't miss it. To some of you, that's not an
accomplishment. But to go from 50 hours of TV-watching per week to no TV
watching per week is an accomplishment for me. More, I DON'T MISS IT.
(And no, I have not replaced all my TV watching with the computer --
maybe 1/4 to 1/2 of the time, and most of that is volunteer work
maintaining non-profits' web sites.) 

I was not brought up or encouraged by my nearest and dearest to shun
shopping and TV. They modelled quite the other behaviour. Perhaps I was
hard-wired this way and have only recently realised it. Or perhaps I was
persuaded by argument, made a change in behaviour, and found I liked the
change. Or perhaps I looked at models, like the Nearings, and decided to
align my life more with their values, which I also believed but have not
been fully conscious of nor practiced. Or perhaps I just found other
things to do that leave little time for shopping and TV. Or perhaps some
of all of this. I don't know.

I just know people can change, both their perspectives and their
actions. Whether they change their wiring or discover it, I couldn't
say. In either case, some people are susceptible to others' influence,
argument, and modelling.

~ Molly

"Fitzsimmons, Diane" wrote:
> 
> I've got no answers, either, David.  Sometimes I think there are just some
> people who are hard-wired differently.
> 
> Last night my husband and I watched "Father of the Bride," the 1990s
> version.  Funny film, but about as real to me as "The Matrix."  Story
> revolves around a factory owner and his wide (who is also a business owner)
> portrayed as just regular folks (house has to be at least 3,000 square
> feet).  The upshot is that dad eventually goes along with the plan to give
> his daughter a dream wedding that costs $250 a head for 573 guests.
> 
> Now I grant you that very few people spend $100,000-plus on weddings.  But
> I'm not sure my husband and I spent $250 period on our wedding. And the
> reason is not because we didn't have the money.  Even if we did, I couldn't
> in good conscience do that.
> 
> Why is it that I feel so strongly that way?  And always have?  Why do so
> many other people feel so strongly the other way?
> 
> >From the time I was young I never understood why people wanted big
> speedboats or fancy cars or fill in the blank with a luxury item.  But offer
> me a comfortable, faded armchair, a good book and a pot of tea by a sunny
> window -- now there is heaven!
> 
> The only answer that has ever made sense to me -- I'm hard-wired
> differently.  I'm not sure my way could ever be contagious to other people.
> 
> Diane Fitzsimmons
> Norman, Okla.